Friday, May 17, 2013

The Drawer

So, I've got this drawer. It's sort of like a graveyard. If you are yarn, you never want to end up there. This drawer holds both my disaster knitting projects and my unfinished ones.

The unfinished projects I placed in the drawer because I knew almost without a doubt that they would surely end in disaster--and I couldn't quite bear to see it come to that. There is still some glimmer of hope that just maybe they will miraculously transform and be more beautiful than I could ever imagine. But the doubts win the day. So they stay in the drawer and off my needles.

And somehow I couldn't quite bear to tear out these particular projects. Maybe it's because I felt so demoralized by the whole pursuit. Yes, I think that's it--because when I flip through the book that holds the sweater pattern that I loved and attempted, I break out into a cold sweat. I feel sick when I see that unfinished orange sweater in the drawer. The one for which I had such hopes.

You non-knitters think I'm exaggerating. I'm not.

But it's good. The drawer keeps us humble.

The other day though, when I opened that drawer and felt the little pricks of nausea that I always feel when I see that orange sweater, I was overwhelmed by this thought:

God has no unfinished projects

He doesn't retire any life to a drawer. He doesn't intend one for a purpose--only to make a mistake and ashamedly tuck it away.

Sometimes we feel tucked away. I wonder if it is because we are being made into something we did not expect. Or maybe we are being re-purposed?

I have my ideas of how I'd liked to be "purposed", but many of my life events haven't followed those plans. And ever so slowly, I find myself more and more "okay" with that.

I can trust the Divine Knitter. He holds the pattern. He is the pattern designer too! I cannot trust myself--with my drawer full of failure (and I couldn't write a pattern to save my life).

So now, I think, my drawer can become a reminder of my HOPE. My hope that I will never end up in a failure drawer.

1 comment:

  1. You have a drawer, I have a basket. (a big one)

    You my dear friend, will never ever wind up in the failure drawer. You are a unique design, crafted with many fibers. Your pattern is known only by the Master Knitter, and He LOVES your failures, as well as your accomplishments. He holds you tenderly each times He adds a row. He carefully rips back the mistakes, He picks up the lost stitch or two that happens now and again. He wants to shape you, block you at times (this is a good thing in knitting), and He always, always admires His work in you. He has purposed this project. He had lovingly spun the very strands of this creation with the best intentions. Sometimes, it must feel that He has forgotten His project, but He too sees it sitting there and and knows it will NOT be done, until it is time. And oh the JOY when the project is finished! Imagine the party...the time spend celebrating His completion of His very own, special, cherished, perfect Emily.

    Hold on to your HOPE Emily. For He holds you very, very dear.