Friday, January 11, 2013

Missing Daddy

This whole single parenting thing... It's hard.

Yesterday Erika had a day of questions about heaven, tearful episodes about missing daddy, and general melancholy. I feel often completely ill-equipped--unable really--to do this. It's been a very long while since she's cried for Daddy. Since she's told me she wants him. She's sad about him. I sort of thought (naively) that maybe she wasn't going to cry for him again... I thought I might be alone in the missing of him. How wrong I was!

How can I minister to this little girl's hurt? I don't even understand developmentally how she views death! How can I help her? This is what I always come back to: I CANNOT help her. Not truly. Jesus is the great Healer of hearts. He alone binds up the wounds that are so deep and aching that they feel as if they will never stop hurting. They are beyond human capacity to soothe. I can only let her know it's ok to be sad. And teach her to run to Jesus with all of our hurts.

And so, I tell her that I know. I want Daddy too. I'm so sorry she's sad. BUT Jesus cares when we are sad. And He wants us to tell Him about it. And then I pray with her. A very simple prayer.

 Jesus! Help us! Give us peace and joy. We miss Daddy. We are so sad. Help us.

Pray this for us too? And we pray for your hurts, our dear friends.


  1. My son, the 7 year old, prayed out of the blue last night for Erika. "The little girl with the Bobby bear like mine..." so this post I read this AM blew me away. The Holy Spirit groans with us, for us, but more importantly--to the Father. He will give you words Momma. He will use you to influence this precious daughter of His that will impact her for the rest of her life. She will be strong, she will be one that values life experience. If all things work for His good, even THIS will be fruitful. Even when it seems that the basket is empty. It might be awhile. And it might not happen right away. We sure want it to though, don't we? That whole time thing is a hard one. One of the many questions I have for our Lord is why such a struggle with the time concept?!
    My heart goes out to you as you grieve, as you miss Chris. The joy that comes in the morning I know, seems far, far away. I can only imagine your ache. You are wise to trust that Jesus will bind these wounds, that His love will cover the tears, and that ultimately, your daughter will grow into the young woman He created her to be, with a Mom reminding her again and again, that her Daddy will always ALWAYS love her. Here on earth, and in Heaven.


  2. What a beautiful gift to know that it is ok to be sad. What a beautiful gift to know Jesus is our greatest comforter.
    We will continue to bring you before the throne of the Healer and Hope-Giver.

  3. Thank you, sweet friends! For the prayers (of adults and 7 year olds!) and encouragement.

  4. What a dichotomy I feel in reading this post: the sadness of a little girl missing her daddy with mommy struggling to know how best to console her contrasted with the joy in knowing that this same little girl remembers her daddy clearly, along with the joy and comfort he brought her. Chris' impact will stay with Erika all the days of her life! I pray that truth, alone, will bring you great comfort.