Friday, November 16, 2012


Today I'm 32. That's not so old, right?
I LOVE my birthday. I love that Chris knew that I loved it and saw to it that I had "birth week", rather than simply "birth day." Celebrations were his specialty.

Last year he bought me the North Face parka I'd been in love with for a couple years. It's ivory and has fur around the hood and is long and warm and wonderful. I'm so glad for it. I also found a gift intended for me (not yet given) when I was sorting his thingsa beautiful pewter bracelet I had my eye on... I'm wearing that today.

This year I'm celebrating without him. Yet I'm still celebrating. I hope I always love my birthday (no matter my age), because birthdays are so fun (especially when they're mine!). And it's not so hardthe celebrating without him. At least not as hard as I expected.

I shockingly find myself not as lonely for him as I once was. It seems I have discovered that I can still liveeven live well. And have fun too! Some (significant) part of me has come alive again. I find myself anticipating and enjoying thingslaughing. It's amazing how the heart heals, bit by bit.

So, what kinds of birthday plans did I make? Some alone time and some social time. A winning combination, I think.

Erika will spend the day with Grandma Judy and the evening with Nana and Papa. Her mama will have a massage and avail herself of various Twin Cities birthday freebies (thanks for the tip, Danielle!). I will probably read and be quiet at Caribou with my free coffee. Free car wash. Free eyebrow wax. And then I'm going out with two very special people tonight.  My sister and my friend Maria.

Abby, my sister and dearest friend...I love you and KNOW I could not be walking this road without you. You are my rock, my cheerleader, my confidante. Thank you for all the ways you love and care for mewhile you simultaneously love and care for your young and busy family. You are the most compassionate and competent person I know. Thank you for getting me.

And Maria, my sweet and tender friend... Your fierce support and empathyyour feeling of my painhas been a solace and comfort. You, my friend, use your great loss to speak comfort and peace to the hurting hearts around you, and I dearly love you for that. Thank you for the way you bear my burdens with me. And make me laugh too!

These two amazing girls are going to be with me on the night I would have been with Chris. And I can't wait.

(These photos all by Emily Steffen) :)


  1. Happy Birthday Emily. And 32 is not 'old' at all. :)

  2. Emily
    I am so proud of you.
    Your birthdays, I have always thought of as festivals, beginning with a fiesta taco dinner.
    You are a beautiful young woman from the top of your curly head to the bottom of your dainty feet, from the center of your loving heart to the ends of your busy hands.
    After the Lord took Chris home, I prayed that laughter would again come from your living quarters in our home and that your friends would be coming and going and you would be enjoying life.
    God answered that prayer last Thursday night when you had the “knitch” girls over. As I sat upstairs studying, with ear buds in and music on to drown out the hoots and laughter coming from downstairs.
    I love you Emily. Let the festivities continue!!!!
    Love always and forever,

  3. Many happy returns of the day, Emily! Best wishes for a good year in Christ.